The Wesley’s Self-Examination Quiz created a healthy moment of reflection this evening. Through honestly answering the questions, I was challenged to really look at how I live my life day in and day out. One of the questions that really challenged me was “Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?” For the first time tonight I saw self consciousness in an exposed light. As I read the word self-conscious I truly understood what it meant.

I tend to be pretty self conscious because it’s in my nature to be a people pleasure. I strive to keep everyone happy. But I’ve never really looked at this as a bad thing. I’ve always thought, “I’m self-critical and self-conscious because I want to do things right and please others,” but when you get to the root of things self-consciousness has nothing to do with other people at all.

I just realized tonight that self consciousness in its purest form is selfishness. As I read the question I thought about the word “conscious” and what it meant. I also looked up the dictionary definition…

Conscious – aware of one’s own existence, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, etc. (Dictionary.com)

To be self-conscious is to be self-aware, self-focused. Self-consciousness leads to my thoughts being so focused on myself and how I am being perceived that I think of myself wayyyyy more than I spend time thinking about others. It’s selfish to be so worried about what I look like, act like, or am perceived like because I’m thinking of myself before I’m thinking of others.

I found this question so uncomfortable because if it had simply asked “Are you selfish?” I would have thought “No I’m good at sharing and stuff” not giving it a second thought. But instead the question asks, “Are you self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?” And I can’t blow by it so easily. I’ve realized to be any of these three things is to be selfish.

If I am going to be a disciple worth multiplying I must get rid of this selfishness that has been hiding in my heart as self-consciousness. And I don’t think the the answer to getting rid of my self-consciousness is to gain self-confidence, or confidence in myself, but to gain Christ-confidence, or confidence in Christ.

My prayer is that as I switch my focus from being self-conscious to Christ-confident I will become a selfless disciple who is ready to be multiplied.

 

 

– The verse that I meditated on today was Matt 5:16 –

“In the same way let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

 

Hannah Sheppeck

Author Hannah Sheppeck

Hey I'm Hannah! I'm an 18 year old getting ready to begin my freshman year of College as an Electronic Arts - Video Studies major. I love painting and being creative, playing Just Dance with my two little sisters, and eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream while having heart to hearts with my friends. I'm passionate about advancing the Gospel and sharing the love of Christ. I believe we all have a part to play in the Great Commission now matter how young, old, or inadequate we all might be and I'm excited to begin this disciple making journey!

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